i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
