btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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