Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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