Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
