I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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