I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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