My cat gives me a boner
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
