im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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