my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
