Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
