My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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