i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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