I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
