Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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