i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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