1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she pinky promised me she was 18
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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