if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
