I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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