So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she woke up with a sticky ear
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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