wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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