hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
