well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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