Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
