you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
