I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
