i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
