Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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