I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
