The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
