My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
