11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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