Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
