When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
