i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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