I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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