apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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