There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
