If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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