Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
