If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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