paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
