so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
