Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
