Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
