She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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