Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
