I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
