He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
