My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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