Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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