You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
