Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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