I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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