so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
