tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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