just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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