You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
