I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
