So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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