omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
