Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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