I wish they made helmets for livers.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
