I hate your face
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
