dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
