ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm always down for nudity.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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