Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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