your parents love me but you hate me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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